AMAZING GRACE LIVES INSIDE ORDINARY PEOPLE

Published: Sunday, April 18, 1999
Section: COMMENTARY , page J2
Type of story: Book Review
 BY EDITH R. WHITE
© 1999 Landmark Communications Inc.

ORDINARY GRACE
An Examination of the Roots of Compassion, Altruism, and Empathy, and the Ordinary Individuals Who Help Others in Extraordinary Ways
KATHLEEN A. BREHONY
Riverhead Books. 242 pp. $24.95.

     When friends and colleagues asked Kathleen A. Brehony if she could find enough  good stories to fill a book about ordinary grace, the Virginia Beach clinical psychologist and therapist answered by doing exactly that.
     In a world where the news media flood us with tales of  cruelty and violence, where our elected officials, celebrities and even religious leaders fall from grace on a regular basis, Dr. Brehony found hundreds of people who have done remarkable deeds of love and  com-passion.
     "What is the process of coming to grace?'' she asks. Why have these people spent enormous time and energy helping others? ``Perhaps by understanding what makes people draw on the good in themselves, by taking these stories to our hearts, we can look into our own lives more deeply and feel inspired to take action."
     It is a brave theme for a book.
     Brehony recounts events in her own life which stirred her to this research. Then she sets about disproving the widely held idea that we are born sinful.
     From her scientific background she  cites examples of animal behavior which demonstrates sympathy and caretaking. She builds up to the question: ``What would the world be like if we cherished the idea that each human being, indeed every living thing, is a reflection and a manifestation of the love of a benevolent creator?''
     Next Brehony recounts heartwarming stories of real people who have dealt with pain and loss by helping others.
     There is Flo, who recovered from a life-threatening cancer. Because she feels God spared her for some purpose, she dedicates her life to easing the pain of her poverty-stricken neighbors. Despite  palsy and faltering speech, Flo is up at 4:30 every morning to cook and sort clothes and household goods.
     Then she spends the day driving across the blazing Arizona desert to go house-to-house on the Gila River Indian reservation with food and supplies. With the help of family and friends she manages to build simple houses for needy families.
     Now hundreds of volunteers give of their  time and energy to help. Flo reports the joy she feels from being able to serve.
     Jonathan was a lovable little boy crippled with a wasting disease. When he died, his parents were in dark despair.
     But the idea came to them to build a play-ground for other handicapped children. They transformed their grief into action.
     Many friends and organizations joined with them to build ``Jonathan's Dream,'' a unique wheelchair-friendly playground which has inspired visitors from other communities around the world.
     There are miraculous stories of people who  have appeared and offered to give organs to patients who would die without them.
     There is an account of a childless wealthy couple who were so touched by the TV image of a little girl in  Romania with HIV, they volunteered to go to the orphanage and help care for the children for a six-month period. They wound up adopting four of them.
     Four years later, Brehony visited the family and found five happy beautiful children; the ``impossible'' happened, and they had a baby of their own.
     Among local people of grace, the author cites Dr. Charles Horton, a Norfolk plastic surgeon who founded Physicians for Peace. Since 1984, PFP has sent more than 150 medical teams to dozens of countries where people are in desperate need of modern medical skills.
     There is Sister Mary Joan Kentz, a diminutive Norfolk nun who created CANDII House for children with AIDS and Gerri Hollins of Hampton who formed HATCH, a program dedicated to providing a safe place for children to learn  skills and creativity.
     In each case the giver claims to benefit as much as the recipient.
     Each has a sense of being part of the unbroken circle of life, of giving and  receiving grace.
     In contrast to the clients the author sees every day whose lives are burdened with sadness, loneliness and a deep sense of alienation, the people whose stories she tells seem to be happier and have a greater sense of meaning in their lives. They cherish laughter and good times.
     It is possible, she says, for each of us to start on a new way of thinking about our  lives. She lists books to read and quotes from many cultures and religions plus practical advice about how and where to demonstrate compassion. ``Give more love. Start now.''
     This is a life-affirming book and should be available to those who attempt to teach and inspire and to all who would partake of ordinary grace.